too bad you live with your parents still
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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