goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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