I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
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We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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