She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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