I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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