saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
