Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
