When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
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SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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