Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
