i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
