wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
