And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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