You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
