Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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