After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
