I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
