yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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