I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
