just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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