my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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