Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
