My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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