just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
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Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
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I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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