When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
