just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
