She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
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