Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
