o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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