Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
