ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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