If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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