Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
are you so shy because you have an std?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
