guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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