He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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