how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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