There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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