Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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