I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
