i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
