At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
