Your tits are I can't wait for
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?