So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
