just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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