Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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