one two three fourrrrnication!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
