All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
