Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
