i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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