Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
