what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.