well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad