I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.