Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?

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(312): I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night? http://tfl.nu/ityh

Replies (2) Good night (659) Bad night (1505)
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(425): View more from Washington

There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.

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(425): There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason. http://tfl.nu/skwm

Replies (48) Good night (781) Bad night (3508)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself

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(612): I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself http://tfl.nu/0tce

Replies (6) Good night (728) Bad night (2882)
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(760): View more from California

What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?

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(760): What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch? http://tfl.nu/c2lm

Replies (30) Good night (5444) Bad night (860)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.

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(617): I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B. http://tfl.nu/c1l3

Replies (4) Good night (1244) Bad night (2938)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.

(847): View more from Illinois

Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.

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(262): I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state. (847): Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it. http://tfl.nu/q5kp

Replies (7) Good night (985) Bad night (2341)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.

(1-832): View more from Houston, Texas

Totally acceptable.

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(832): I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro. (1-832): Totally acceptable. http://tfl.nu/y2av

Replies (7) Good night (2306) Bad night (597)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.

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(920): Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder. http://tfl.nu/33o4

Replies (0) Good night (954) Bad night (820)
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(217): View more from Illinois

what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"

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(217): what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?" http://tfl.nu/sbqo

Replies (9) Good night (775) Bad night (1179)
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(231): View more from Michigan

Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?

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(231): Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest? http://tfl.nu/bt3a

Replies (0) Good night (459) Bad night (370)
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(415): View more from California

I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...

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(415): I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think... http://tfl.nu/7nf2

Replies (11) Good night (422) Bad night (639)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

Swish.

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(774): Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car. (508): Swish. http://tfl.nu/6xy2

Replies (8) Good night (825) Bad night (534)
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(440): View more from Ohio

id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive

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(440): id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive http://tfl.nu/6jtf

Replies (5) Good night (764) Bad night (281)
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(541): View more from Oregon

He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came

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(541): He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came http://tfl.nu/vgrv

Replies (5) Good night (271) Bad night (415)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out

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(704): No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out http://tfl.nu/3hnm

Replies (1) Good night (458) Bad night (166)

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