omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
