If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.