so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
