Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
