So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
