im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
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At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
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Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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