I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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