so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
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Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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