im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I wear drunk well.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
