There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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