Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
