dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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