Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
