a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
