Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
